The new Limerick manager sent scouts out around the world looking for a new centre forward to replace his old and decrepit players hoping to win the Sam Maguire. One of the scouts informs him of a Young Iraqi GAA player who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. The Gaffer flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over. Two weeks later Limerick are 4-10 to 1-10 down to Kerry with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi lad the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 4 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Limerick. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first game in the Championship. Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 3 goals down but I scored 4 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me." "Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time." The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry." "Sorry?!" says his mum, "You're sorry????..... ....It's your fault we moved to Limerick in the first place!!!!"

galwayfan (None) - Posts: 764 - 17/04/2008 13:23:08    8144

what do you say to a dub on all ireland sunday?

How much are the hotdogs!! sorry i couldnt resist :)

ball-boy (Mayo) - Posts: 4211 - 17/04/2008 14:44:44    8211

What do you say to a Mayo man on All Ireland Final Day?

The Canal, Its that way...............

Sorry, couldnt resist ;)

Liamwalkinstown (Dublin) - Posts: 8166 - 17/04/2008 14:55:14    8224

There goes the treaty....................:)

Spuddy (Mayo) - Posts: 345 - 17/04/2008 15:52:22    8248

Tom while lying on his death bed was visited by his best friend Pat, both old men at this stage who had grown up with the game of hurling and loved it.

Pat asks Tom:
'Tom do you think it would be at all possible if when you get to Heaven you would be able to get a message back down here to me as to whether or not they play Hurling in Heaven.'

To which Tom replied that he couldnt promise anything but would do his best.

Shortly after Tom passes away and a couple of nights after the funeral Pat is awoken during the night by someone calling his name. He jumps up in his bed and asks whos there.

To which the voice replies 'Its me Tom'

Pat very afraid says that this is impossible as Tom is dead.

'I am the ghost of Tom and Im here with the message you asked me to deliver before I died but I must warn you first that I have both good and bad news, which would you like first.'

'Give me the Good news first' replies Pat.

'O.K well the good news is that they do play hurling in heaven all the old greats of the game are here, are old friends, the weather is always fantastic so there is never any trouble with fixtures or games being called off, the pitches are all in great condition too so the matches are always played at fast and very entering pace.'

Well says Pat thats fantastic but you mentioned something about bad news too.

'Ah yes the bad news is your starting corner forward Tuesday evening'

On the ditch (Galway) - Posts: 23 - 17/04/2008 15:55:33    8251

dublin

whiterbannnas (Mayo) - Posts: 2441 - 17/04/2008 16:25:11    8265

Dublin V Kerry Replay in Thurles 2001 - Attention Important Notice ARISING OUT OF THE CONFUSION THAT TOOK PLACE IN THURLES ON SATURDAY EVENING LAST, THE G.A.A. HAVE ISSUED THE FOLLOWING NOTICE TO ALL SUPPORTERS TRAVELING TO THE GAME THIS WEEKEND. PLEASE NOTE THAT THE DART AND THE M50 DO NOT GO ALL THE WAY TO THURLES. C.I.E. DO NOT RUN A BUS SERVICE EVERY 8 MINUTES ROUND THE TOWN OF THURLES. THE GRASS VERGES OUTSIDE OF SEMPLE STADIUM MAY NOT BE USED FOR GRAZING PONIES. IF YOU SEE A LOCAL MAN STANDING ON A STREET CORNER SCRATCHING HIS ASS YOU CAN PRESUME THAT HE IS A LOCAL MAN SCRATCHING HIS ASS. HE IS NOT SELLING SYRINGES, E`s OR COCAINE. NOT ALL WOMEN THAT YOU COME IN CONTACT WITH IN PUBS, CLUBS ETC. ARE SLUTS AND ROIDS. DRINKS MAY NOT BE PAID FOR IN PUBS WITH EITHER A WINK OR A NOD. MUSIC BEFORE THE MATCH AND DURING HALF TIME WILL BE SUPPLIED BY THE GARDA BAND AND NOT AZLAN OR SOME OTHER RUBBISH DUBLIN BAND. BOYS UNDER 12 WILL BE NOT BE ADMITTED TO THE STAND UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY THEIR FATHER. IF THE FATHER IS UNKNOWN THEN A RELATIVE WILL SUFFICE. EVEN THOUGH THE MATCH WILL BE OVER AT 5.30pm PLEASE NOTE THAT YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT BACK TO DUBLIN IN TIME FOR THE SIMPSONS @ 6.30pm. ANYONE DRIVING HOME FROM THE MATCH PLEASE ENSURE THAT YOU DO SO IN YOUR OWN CAR AND NOT THAT OF SOME HARD WORKING LOCAL. A Donegalman runs into a bar with a pig under his arm, "Where'd you get that?", asked the barman?" "I won him in a raffle", said the pig! He'll regret this to his dying day, if he lives that long. Dublin fan after Charlie Redmond missed a penalty in the 1994 All-Ireland final. Q: What's the difference between Paddy Cullen and a turnstile? A: A turnstile only lets in one at a time. Kerry fan after Cullen conceded five goals in the 1978 All-Ireland final. A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he's just as good as everybody else. John B. Keane Meath make football a colourful game - you get all black and blue. Another Cork fan.

dubs4ever08 (Dublin) - Posts: 37 - 17/04/2008 16:34:40    8268

the current situation in roscommon.....now theres a joke!!!

susan (Meath) - Posts: 23 - 17/04/2008 16:51:32    8277

Osama Bin Laden is trapped in his cave surrounded on all sides by the Brits & Yanks armies. Pacing the cave and scratching his head he's thinking he may as well just surrender.. Just then he notices an old lamp lying in the corner ,picks it up and gives it an oul rub.. lo and behold a genie pops out ..' OK Osama you got one wish , whats it gonna be??' Osama gives the genie a map of the area , explains that he's surrounded and says get me outta here.. Genie takes the map and studies it for a while ' sorry Osama I'm afraid you've no chance here you're completely screwed.. Is there nothing else I could help you with ?'
'Well ', says Osama ' There's friends of mine in Mayo, would dearly love for mayo to win an all ireland senior football title , is there anything you could do ? Genie looks at him all puzzled and goes ' Gimme another look at that map again ......
True Story...

Finsceal (None) - Posts: 559 - 17/04/2008 17:12:03    8291

An old kerryman travels to the 1982 munster football final with his faithful sheepdog. He takes his seat among some Cork supporters and sits the dog down beside him. As Kerry get their first score the dog barks in appreciation. This continues after every Kerry score to the amazement of the surrounding fans. At the final whistle the dog lets out an almighty howl to celebrate Kerry's victory. A curious corkman can't resist and asks how the dog reacts when Kerry lose. The kerryman replies "I don't know, I've only had him eight years".

Tomás Tralee (Kerry) - Posts: 391 - 17/04/2008 19:54:36    8345

What do you call a mayoman with an all-ireland medal??? ........A Transvestite

BTK (Galway) - Posts: 19 - 17/04/2008 20:16:37    8349

What Programme would you be watching if you saw a Dublin Fan holding Sam Maguire....?
Crimeline!

paddym123 (Meath) - Posts: 367 - 17/04/2008 21:12:42    8355

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MEATH FAN AND A LABRADOR?
A LABRADOR HAS PERSONALITY.

OLLIE (Louth) - Posts: 12224 - 17/04/2008 22:32:07    8378

father tom a priest from the west of ireland and gaa die hard dies one night and goes to heaven where he meets god,as he enters heaven he asks god if roscommon will win an allireland cos his brother manages them and god says not in his lifetime,finally because hes from mayo he askes when will mayo win the all>ireland andgod says not in my lifetime

moesyzlack (USA) - Posts: 161 - 18/04/2008 01:53:20    8405

A bit silly but.....

Ian Paisley is involved in a car accident and goes into a deep coma for 10 years. Just when the doctors think there's no hope Paisley miraculously comes around. After some tests Paisley is mad to start asking questions, given that he was out of it for so long. The doc says to him, well I've good news and bad news for ya Ian. "What's the bad news?", asked Ian. "Gerry Adams is president of a united Ireland", the doc replies. Paisley is gobsmacked but eventually asks for the good news. "Rangers beat Celtic last night in the Cup", says the doc. Paisley then asked for the score to which the doc replied 1-11 to 0-10.

Lockjaw (Donegal) - Posts: 9785 - 18/04/2008 08:17:39    8412

Re: BTK from Galway - that's a cracker!!

Lockjaw (Donegal) - Posts: 9785 - 18/04/2008 09:53:07    8434

BTK
County: Galway
Posts: 8

8349 What do you call a mayoman with an all-ireland medal??? ........A Transvestite



Liked that one

samin10 (Armagh) - Posts: 2434 - 18/04/2008 09:54:35    8435

Edward was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children
what there fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy,
Captain of Industry etc, but Edward was being uncharacteristically quiet
and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father is an exotic dancer in a g*y club and takes off all his
clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good,
he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and stay the night with them."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
Edward aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No" said Edward, "He plays Football for Westmeath but I was just too
embarrassed to say."

Rhodejim (Offaly) - Posts: 2888 - 18/04/2008 09:59:35    8439

RE ----

Rhodejim
County: Offaly
Posts: 2


Very good one. i think this topic was well worth a gamble. thanks lads and lassies and....er.....trannys;-)

galwayfan (None) - Posts: 764 - 18/04/2008 10:33:19    8458

One day in class the teacher asked all the children to raise their hand if they supported Dublin,
So all but one of the class raised their hands,
seeing that wee Johnny never raised his hand she asked him who he supported,
'Meath' he replied,
the teacher annoyed that he supported their biggest rivals asked 'why do you support Meath?'
'Cos my mummy and daddy support Meath' he replied
the teacher now really annoyed said'what if your mummy was a prostitute and your daddy a drug dealer what would that make you then?'
'Then' replied johnny,'Id be a Dublin fan'

An Dun (Down) - Posts: 11 - 18/04/2008 14:52:42    8610