graham norton(caravan episode).tony im putting you in my list of enemies (writes on piece of paper) Only joking tony (Shows him the paper)It says i really like tony

bigman2 (Tipperary) - Posts: 1202 - 01/07/2009 14:51:26    328822

Pat Mustard classics; 'now to ride mrs o'reilly...'

Lad (Meath) - Posts: 136 - 02/07/2009 16:51:14    330103

Ted: Dougal, you can't go around wearing an earring.
Dougal: But Father Damo has one!
Ted: Oh I see, so did Father Damo give you the idea?
(Dougal nods)
Ted: Honestly, Dougal, what next? Will he be giving you crack cocaine or something?
Dougal: Crack cocaine! Now come on, Ted.
(Dougal looks very shifty)

or

Ted: They've taken the roads in! Classic

mozsyh (Kildare) - Posts: 172 - 02/07/2009 23:57:45    330632

along these lines....sister consumpta enters the house

ted:dougal you remember sister consumpta?

dougal:shakes his head(no)

ted:do you remember she was with us at the shop on the mainland when it got robbed??

dougal:shakes his head again(no)

ted:when the shop got robbed and cuaght fire and you had to be rescued by the helicoptor??

dougal:shakes his head(no)

ted:and you fell out of the helicoptor??c'mon you have to remember her??

dougal:shakes his head(no)

ted:you were wearing your blue jumper??

dougal:AHHH....sister Consumpta!!!

what a show..couldwatch it over and over again and still laugh as much!!

32 (Galway) - Posts: 118 - 04/07/2009 14:25:22    331935

in the episode where fr hernandez comes to stay

Fr ted: whats that your looking at father?
fr jack: what!?
fr ted: is that a film?
fr jack: what!?
fr ted: isnt that keifer sutherland?
fr jack: what!?
fr ted: is that flatliners your watching?
fr jack: what!?

fr hernandez: is fr jack a little hard of hearing?
fr jack: what!?
fr ted: to be honest he can hear quite well when he wants to. Watch this...
fr ted: (in a quiet voice) fr jack would you like a glass of brandy?

fr jack. Yes.

classic!

tyronegael91 (Tyrone) - Posts: 52 - 04/07/2009 19:45:44    332138

Ted: You remember Dougal.. You were wearing your blue jumper..... Dougal: AH SISTER ASUMPTA!

Southern Dandy (Wicklow) - Posts: 789 - 04/07/2009 22:20:20    332288

my username is based on this quote..(the one when the whistle is stolen)

Angry local-'What the fupp are u doing here?! this is my fuppin spot! We come here every sunday!'
Fr Ted - 'But today is saturday'
angry local- Fupp you! You fuppin backstard!!


there was a sign for no swearing :L


THOSE WOMEN WERE IN THE NIP!!

fuppin (Tyrone) - Posts: 567 - 05/07/2009 20:15:55    333011

mrs doyle:are you sure you won't try some cake father??its got cocaine in it.

...fr ted:WHAT COCAINE????

mrs doyle:ooo not cocaine...whats that ya call it...o yes raisins.

BRILLIANT

.tribute (Cavan) - Posts: 360 - 05/07/2009 22:05:19    333197

ted this rabbitt looks like pete samprice

kingdom56 (Kerry) - Posts: 4 - 06/07/2009 12:57:18    333851

the old woman outside the shop in the episode where the whistle is stolen...
isnt it a terror that crime would hit craggy island ted? i mean next thing there will be drive by shootings, it'l be like Boyz in the Hood, and we'll have people dealing crack cocaine, and h*'s spreading their wears on the street, and ther'l be pi*ps running the h*'s, it'l be proper gangsta so it will ted...
she shakes her head and gives him a bright cheery well see you later Ted!!!!!!!!!!

bountyhunter (Cavan) - Posts: 302 - 06/07/2009 19:47:27    334783

I LOVE MY BRICK

ACminor (Galway) - Posts: 154 - 07/07/2009 15:39:11    335787

Kingdom 56
He called the rabbit Sampras because of rabbits and tennis and that whole connection,but he said there was a rabbite who looked like harvey Kietel!

fredrickwood (Roscommon) - Posts: 2871 - 07/07/2009 18:03:20    336031

After jack came back to life
Ted:So there he is,risen from the dead, like that fella...eh...ET!

fredrickwood (Roscommon) - Posts: 2871 - 07/07/2009 18:05:21    336038

Mrs Doyle to Jack: "What would you say to a cup of tea, Father?"
Jack: "Feck off cup!"
... and he throws it against the wall.

men_of_49 (Meath) - Posts: 2003 - 07/07/2009 18:31:04    336074

"The cows in here are small, but the ones out there are far away.. Small , far away"

"I don't believe it"

"More water"

"Is there anything to be said for having another mass? I thought the last one went great"

"Ted i don't want to be a milkman anymore!!"

freetaker27 (Limerick) - Posts: 32 - 07/07/2009 19:51:55    336164

Dougal: Jim's Dying Ted???? He'll not like that.

Genius.

skinny010 (Cavan) - Posts: 17 - 26/07/2009 12:23:49    362354

John O'Leary: What can we do for you Father?
Dougal: I was looking for a pair of handcuffs actually.
John: A pair of handcuffs? What do you need them for?
Dougal: Oh nothing much, they're for me and Ted
Mary: You and Father Ted?
Dougal: Yeah, we're just trying something out.
John: Well emm, actually, funnily enough we do have a pair. Sergeant Thornton left them here when he retired.
Dougal: Retired from what
John: From the police
Dougal: The police? Was Sergeant Thornton a policeman?
John: Emm he was yes. Why do you think he wore the uniform?
Dougal: Oh I thought he was just having a laugh

tir_eoghain_abu (Tyrone) - Posts: 773 - 26/07/2009 14:30:27    362498

Mrs Doyle: ( whilst Ted is trying to eat a sausage) Oh it's a filthy, dirty business, sex. Can you imagine, Father. Your husband standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself. I want you to get a good clear picture.


Ted: The holy stone......... It was be even holier than we thought. Perhaps its something to do with that fellow that come over from England last year. He touched it - and he grew a beard!
Dougal: WOW!! Weird. That'd be nearly enough to upgrade it to a class 1.
Ted: Ooh, class 1 would be very rare. That'd be bringing people back to life... time travel...cloning dinosaurs...Very rare



My lovely horse runnin through the....field

tir_eoghain_abu (Tyrone) - Posts: 773 - 26/07/2009 14:46:40    362519

Misses Doyle:The mainland is very dangerous father.
Father Ted:why?
Misses Doyle:My freind Misses Cullivann was robbed Father.
Father Ted:what did they take?
Misses Doyle:I don't think you understand Father,she was robbed,they took her!

Cavan1947 (Cavan) - Posts: 215 - 26/07/2009 15:27:47    362541

Ted-OH MY GOD! Fr Jack has drank an entire bottle of dreamy sleepy nighty snoozey snooze!

fuppin (Tyrone) - Posts: 567 - 26/07/2009 21:03:14    363039