One of the few good things to come from cricket (outside of the Kilkenny hurlers of course)

Glenn McGrath v Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball.

McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"

Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit."

Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.

Benandonner (Antrim) - Posts: 459 - 27/03/2009 17:50:51    241602

My all time favorite is---------------- He couldnt kick snow off a rope!!!!!!!! Has to be an all time classic

John_3__7 (Meath) - Posts: 546 - 27/03/2009 17:58:50    241605

my da was manager of alot of teams i played on. never said much usually shouted it, here are some

when a few guys complained about a hard training:
no-one ever drowned in sweat!

playing against a guy who used to go down way too easy when tackled, his solution:
make sure he cant take the free

Dublinlilly (Dublin) - Posts: 166 - 27/03/2009 18:28:27    241618

CorkCelt, Just as long as he did'nt bring the "lovely" sisters with him !!

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 27/03/2009 18:29:26    241619

brian clough"i wouldnt say i was the best manager in the country but im in the top one"

OLLIE (Louth) - Posts: 12224 - 27/03/2009 18:33:27    241623

Former Aberdeen boss Ebbe Skovdahl:

"Statistics are like mini-skirts .. they give you good ideas but hide the most important parts"

Htaem (Meath) - Posts: 8657 - 27/03/2009 19:35:28    241671

GOLF: When asked after winning a golf tournament in the '70s, by an american commentator. ' Did you feel lucky today '.
Gary Player replied, 'Yes, the more and more i practice, the luckier i seem to get '.

POD09 (Limerick) - Posts: 486 - 27/03/2009 21:21:01    241773

Cricket : "The bowlers Holding, the batsmans Willie" Richie Benaud

Athletics : "Juantorrena opens his legs and shows his class to the world" David Coleman

"There wont be a cow milked in Clare for a week" Marty Morrissey

Anything by "Effin Eddie" Moroney........

What was the exact context of Bab's "sheep in a heap" comment ??

yellabelly (Wexford) - Posts: 1062 - 27/03/2009 22:29:32    241823

Mícheál Ó Muircheartaigh:


"1-5 to 0-8...well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language".


"Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now ... but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail ...... I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"


"He grabs the sliotar, he's on the 50......he's on the 40......he's on the 30....... he's on the ground".


"Seán Óg Ó hAilpín.... his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold".


"Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation".


"Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery".


"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball."


"Setanta Ó hAilpín....the original Setanta from the old Gaelic stories was ten foot tall, had ten fingers on each hand and ten toes on each foot but even he couldn't be playing better hurling than his namesake here today"


"... and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, I'll tell ye a little story. I was in Times Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose you wouldn't have the Kerryman would you?' To which the Egyptian man behind the counter replied 'do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'. He had both, so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..."


"Anthony Lynch, the Cork corner-back, would be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers"


"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy"


" Dublin have scored two points, one from the hand and one from the land"


"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar. I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal. The dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide… And the dog lost as well."


"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciarán Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion."

eiregocroi (Cork) - Posts: 201 - 28/03/2009 00:02:59    241935

OLLIE
County: Louth
Posts: 843

241195
when man utd lost 3-1 to aston villa at villa park on the opening day of 1995/1996 season,alan hansan said on match of the day that you will win nothing with kids.man utd won the premership and fa cup that season.



So Hansen was right?

patrique (Antrim) - Posts: 13709 - 28/03/2009 01:33:48    241977

Quote by the ever reliable non bias Jackie Fullerton from yesterdays north of ireland "clash" with Polska

" Ooh!, He's done it again!! Johnny Evans scores his FIRST goal for Northern Ireland!"

remind me again when he did it before Jackie.......

mugsys_barber (Tyrone) - Posts: 2160 - 29/03/2009 16:20:26    242551