The Things Men do for GAA !!


A man had great tickets for the All Ireland final. As he sits down,
another
man comes over and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to
him."No,"he says. "The seat is empty."


"This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have
a seat like this for the All Ireland Final, the biggest sporting event
in the
world and not use it?"


He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed
to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first All Ireland
Final we
haven't been to together since we got married."


"Oh .. I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
smeone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the
seat?"








Wait for it.....................














The man shakes his head. "No they're all at the funeral."

Con Cavan (Cavan) - Posts: 894 - 06/05/2008 14:06:11    15757

The GAA Virus The Internet Viruses Council has just issued a warning which should be taken very seriously concerning viruses which may strike during the summer months - in Ireland in particular. This group of nasty viruses are referred to as "GAA computer Viruses" and are named and described as follows:- The Meath Virus: Throws you out of Windows. The Clare Virus: Memory forgets everything before 1995. The Kilkenny Virus: Guaranteed to hit 5 times on the 11th of September 2000. The Kerry Virus: Five years of hard work wiped out by undetected Offaly mail. The Waterford Virus: Not due to strike again for another 40 years. The Colin Lynch Virus: Boots up some Waterford computers and carries on as if nothing happened. The Mayo Virus Family: Always billed as harmful, but really are nothing to worry about. The Mick O'Dwyer Virus: Attempts to install lots of foreign programs to replace existing slow-running applications. The Limerick Hurling Virus: Causes problems for 65 minutes then disappears never to be seen again. The Babs Keating Virus: Enters a PC, attempts to delete all existing programs and reformat hard drive; when detected and removed it generates weekly log files citing errors in bits 8 to 15. The John Maughan Virus: System crashes in September. The John Leahy Virus: A particularly lethal virus. Users are advised to tie down the monitor as a precaution before approaching. The David Forde Virus: Hasn't been seen since the "Michael Duignan Virus Killer" was invented. The Michael Donnellan Virus: Attacks operating system and timekeeper and then deletes all records of this ever occurring. The Offaly Virus: Often looked on as a benign irritation but strikes your OS as you are about to shut down. Often results in the firing of the General Manager of your PC manufacturer. The Martin Lynch Virus: Computer pretends to go down, but then boots back up and is OK. The Kieran McDonald Virus: The lights on you PC are all on but nothing works. The Rebel Virus: Cheats your PC at vital time, plays outside the rules every chance it gets. Anti Viral solution being worked on by Loughnane Ltd. Rebel Virus to be put down 9/7/00.

Clash-of-da-ash (Galway) - Posts: 927 - 06/05/2008 14:19:27    15762

i was at a mayo league game some years ago and there was a man in front of me,a mayo man who wasnt fond of the new corner forward mayo were trying out.After complaint and complaint about this corfner forward(whom i wont name but lets just say he never wore the red and green again).a dog runs onto the field then suddenly another man roars out get that bloody dog off the pitch,the mayo man then replies leave the dog on and take off that ******* useless corner forward,,!!

cesc4 (Mayo) - Posts: 238 - 06/05/2008 18:36:55    15877

GAA TRANSLATIONS HOLLY -- e.g. "I gave it holly"---I put a fair bit of effort into it. MIGHTY---Very good HAMES---A right **** e-e.g.-"He made a hames of that chance" TIMBER---Intimidation of a hurling opponent - e.g.- "Show him some timber" LAMP----A good thump---e.g.-"I swung for the sliotar, missed by 3 feet and lamped the full back" A CROWD---A gathering of people who watch a match and hope for random acts of violence -e.g-Meath supporters SCHKELP---To remove living tissue in the absence of surgical procedures -- e.g. "That w**** from Tipp took a schkelp outta me leg" HATCHET MAN---Mountainy type, uses hunter/gatherer instincts BULLIN'---Angry-e.g-"The centre half was bullin' after I lamped him" BULL THICK---Very angry-e.g.-"The centre half was bull thick after I lamped him again" JOULT---A push-e.g.-"I gave him ! a joult and he has to wear a neck brace for 2 weeks" THE COMM-A-TEEE---Local GAA bull*****ers in general BUSHTED---An undefined soreness-e.g.-"Jayz me arm is bushted" THE BOMBER---Popular name for a fat hairy GAA player A HANG SANGWIDGE---Consumed with "tay" on the sides of roads after matches in Croker or Thurles, usually contains half a pound of butter RAKE-A great amount of anything, usually pints of Guinness the night before an important match INDANAMAJAYSUS (in-da-nama-Jaysus)--! -What was that for referee? YA B*****KS YA---Corner back's formal recognition of a score by his opponent LEH-IT-IN-WUD-YA---Full forwards appeal to a midfielder for a more timely delivery of the pass MULLOCKER---Untidy or awkward player released for matches BURST THE B******S---Instructions from the sideline to tackle your man ROW---Disagreement involving four or more players MASSIVE ROW---Disagreement involving both teams, including goalies, substitutes and supporters jumping fences ALL-HELL-BROKE-LOOSE---A massive row that continues out in the parking area or dressing room areas, usually resolved by the Gardai

meathfan1 (Meath) - Posts: 231 - 06/05/2008 23:12:41    15940

what time is it??

its 5 past cluxton!!!!

UP_DA_ROYALS (Meath) - Posts: 2 - 30/06/2010 13:12:42    691895

GAA Quiz - Name the last two westmeath men to play centrefield on all Ireland final day?
Foster and Allen.

joenot90 (Armagh) - Posts: 22 - 30/06/2010 14:22:45    692024

What's the difference between Cluxton and a taxi driver?

The taxi driver only lets four in.

Royal_Girl2k9 (Meath) - Posts: 2107 - 30/06/2010 14:45:53    692060

Just shows how poor dublin are whwn they concede 5.

Atticalllegends (Down) - Posts: 96 - 30/06/2010 15:03:54    692093

man walks into a brothel and asks the girl how much total humiliation will be. "£37.99", the girl replies. He replies "what do i get for that then?". "an england top" says the girl

acemarksman (Down) - Posts: 42 - 30/06/2010 15:14:47    692107

Niamh:
Great posts really enjoyed the gaa is better than soccer one:)

dubs4eva (Dublin) - Posts: 484 - 30/06/2010 15:17:33    692110

BREAKING NEWS............................................................

Mayo have announced they are recruiting there new manager from China he is called Win Sam Soon

banner_roar (Clare) - Posts: 88 - 30/06/2010 15:35:20    692134