Ah shure its only a bit of fun! Does anyone have any good quotes being said or shouted at matches???
Theres always someone sitting behind you at matches that always comes out with a witty retort of some sort?
Any good ones?

BTK (Galway) - Posts: 19 - 18/04/2008 15:26:16    8635

There was a match in Down and a player got injured. Someone told the manager that the player was concussed and didn't know who he was. "Great" said the manager, "Tell him he's Oisin McConville and get him back on".

Dessie_Cross (Armagh) - Posts: 145 - 18/04/2008 16:40:23    8679

one of the best quotes i heard from a player was from one of the tyrone lads - cant remember which player it was - after meath beat them in the semi final in 1996. "the rules of meath football are simple, if it moves hit it. And if it doesnt move, hit it until it does"

redandgreen (None) - Posts: 691 - 18/04/2008 17:30:03    8697

Last years football final Cork down by 7 points, one frustrated Cork fan shouted at Michael Cussen "For f**k sake Cussen ya long string off --! That wasn't the joke, Cork were!

rebels (None) - Posts: 65 - 18/04/2008 19:14:27    8724

BTK - I can't remember it exactly but I keep hearing one about the ref and poor vision at most games - gets funnier every time.


A Donegalman runs into a bar with a pig under his arm, "Where'd you get that?", asked the barman?" "I won him in a raffle", said the pig!

Thought the above was a cracker by the way!

Special K (Louth) - Posts: 114 - 18/04/2008 20:43:16    8739

What did Nelson Mandela say when he came out of jail?

Did mayo win the cup yet?


What do you call a Dub in an All Ireland final?

Ref.


What do you call a Donegal fan at an All Ireland Final?

A neutral Spectator.

Clash-of-da-ash (Galway) - Posts: 927 - 02/05/2008 09:32:41    14689

Posted this on here before at one stage I think but........

A few years ago Donegal were playing Fermanagh in Brewster. I was sitting beside some aul codger from Donegal and he was effing and blinding at the ref, Fermanagh players, Donegal players, the weather etc etc...

A young family were sitting behind us and the mother said something like "God these Donegal supporters use AWFUL bad language!!" obviously intended for your man I was sitting beside.

Brendan DV stuck over a couple of lovely points to put us a couple clear and next thing the aul fella nudges me and says in his most posh and eloquent voice "It looks like we shall be progressing!" You'd wanna have seen the face on the Fermanagh doll behind us!!

Unfortunately they had the last laugh cos they got a goal in injury time to win it!

Lockjaw (Donegal) - Posts: 9788 - 02/05/2008 14:13:58    14940

dublin!! :)

ball-boy (Mayo) - Posts: 4211 - 02/05/2008 18:26:00    15090

Heard the Donegal one before.What is it with THE Dubs and Donegal.Yous crying since 92 are yous???Thats the joke

on the fence (Donegal) - Posts: 731 - 02/05/2008 18:58:43    15102

Offaly supporter falls into shark infested waters.Is rescued some time later untouched.Everyone is astonished he was'nt harmed.Then it hit them,he was wearing a t-shirt saying ''Offaly for sam maguire'' not even the sharks would swallow that!

southsider (Westmeath) - Posts: 132 - 02/05/2008 22:25:38    15141

Henry Shefflin, dan shanahan and eoin kelly all standing at the gates of heaven. God says to them if you tell me what you believe i will let you into heaven..so shefflin replies i believe it is vital to give 100% in every game,God leaves him in. Dan replies i believe its important to score loads of goals and entertain the fans, God leaves him in. finally God turns to Eoin and he replies i believe your in my seat!!

JohnBoy (None) - Posts: 7 - 03/05/2008 18:41:32    15251

Q. What's a definition of poverty in Kerry?
A. A house without an All Ireland medal!

Stevieh (None) - Posts: 10 - 05/05/2008 10:09:23    15444

Q. why was paul caffrey caught shaking a cigarette machine?

A. because he was looking for twenty players!

Loyal2TheRoyal (Meath) - Posts: 4522 - 05/05/2008 12:41:40    15478

whats the difference between bryan cullen and a mini bus?

a mini bus can only carry 12!!

ball-boy (Mayo) - Posts: 4211 - 06/05/2008 11:34:12    15664

Whats the definition of poverty in Kerry?

A house without an All- Ireland medal!!

ball-boy (Mayo) - Posts: 4211 - 06/05/2008 11:34:59    15665

What do you have when you have 100 Galway fans buried up to their necks in sand?

Not enough sand!

What do Galway fans use for birth control?

Their personalties!

Whats the difference between the Galway goalie and pamela anderson?

Pamela only has 2 tits in front of her!

unclegerry (Mayo) - Posts: 1223 - 06/05/2008 12:16:55    15697

Why GAA is better than soccer Paul Gascoigne. The offside rule. Boring. Bribery scandals. Because the championship has always been the Championship. The League of Ireland has had more new improved formulas than most washing powders. Because GAA heroes generally don't turn into villains overnight. Vinnie Jones would bawl like a baby if he ever came up against Brian Mullins (Brian McGilligan, Brian Corcoran..) and that's just three Brians that spring to mind. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Micheal O'Murcheartaigh. Nobody sings "You'll never beat the Irish" at GAA games. RTE would never foist Brendan O'Carroll on the GAA viewership. No segregation at GAA matches. The GAA player who performs in front of 70,000 at the weekend will be teaching your kids on Monday or he'll be selling you meat or fixing your drains or representing you in court. The soccer player who performs in front of 70,000 fans at the weekend will be moaning about too many games and trying to sell you his personalised brand of leisure wear. GAA players don't sell stories to the Sun. GAA players don't have stories that the Sun would want to buy. Backpasses. Roman Abrovanich can buy a league title. You can't buy an All-Ireland. Nobody ever proposed making GAA goals bigger. Not even Charlie Redmond. GAA nicknames are better: Sambo Hunter, Fat Larry, Babs, Bingo and so on. Soccer players just add a Y to each other's surnames. You always remember what county your Irish teacher came from. GAA people care so much about the weaker GAA counties that we sensitively refer to them as the "so-called weaker counties". English soccer just makes the premier league smaller. How many soccer players does it take to change a light bulb? Eleven. One to stick it in. Ten to hug and kiss him afterwards. If a GAA player ever jumped at a spectator like Eric Cantona did the rest of his team would join in. So would the rest of the crowd. Sky runs soccer. Schoolteachers run the GAA. There's nothing like seeing the bonfires blazing when a winning team reaches its home borders. The GAA season always leaves you wanting more. The soccer season leaves soccer people demanding less. "Fewer games please." GAA players run faster, hit harder and last longer. Nobody acts like a grenade just went off if they get tripped. GAA teams are numbered one to fifteen, soccer team shirts read like the Lotto results. All soccer players wear shinguards. Some hurling players even wear helmets. The GAA is about where you're from. English Premiership soccer is about who you like. Old soccer players get testimonials, Old GAA players just slip down to junior. Dog rough it is too. No soccer team has a name quite as lovely as that belonging to Fighting Cocks of Carlow. There are always two men in white coats behind each goal at GAA games. Very wise. Croke Park. The bands are better - Go on the Artane Boys!. "The Clash of the Ash" was a great film about the GAA. "Escape to Victory" was a film about soccer. It starred Michael Caine, Bobby Moore, Pele and Sylvester Stallone. Roy of the Rovers was a prat. Roy Keane is a complete failure, he used to play Hurling for Cork, now hes just a soccer player.

Niamh (Derry) - Posts: 2397 - 06/05/2008 13:44:26    15746

Micheal Ó Muircheartaigh masterpieces "... and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, i'll tell ye a little story. I was in Times' Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have the Kerryman would ye?' To which,the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'... he had both...so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..." "Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers" "I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion." Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery. "1-5 to 0-8.. well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language". "Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now ... but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail ...... I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!" "I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tae company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tae." "Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy" "Danny "The Yank" Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn't he done well" "He grabs the sliotar, he's on the 50......he's on the 40......he's on the 30..........................he's on the ground" "In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball". "He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point.............it went wide." "Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly....Stephen, one of 12......all but one are here to-day, the one that's missing is Mary, she's at home minding the house.....and the ball is dropping i lar na bpairce...." "Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide..... and the dog lost as well "Sean Og o Hailpin.... his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold "Teddy McCarthy to Mick McCarthy, no relation, Mick McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation "

Niamh (Derry) - Posts: 2397 - 06/05/2008 13:44:51    15747

GAA Quotes 1. "I love Cork so much that if I caught one of their hurlers in bed with my missus, I'd tiptoe downstairs and make him a cup of tea"- Joe Lynch, actor. 2. "We've won one All-Ireland in a row" -- Wexford Fan in 1996. 3. "The toughest match I ever heard off was the 1935 All-Ireland Semi-Final. After 6 minutes, the ball ricocheted off a post and went into the stand. The pulling continued relentlessly and it was 22 minutes before any of the players noticed the ball was missing" - Michael Smith. 4. "Sylvie Linnane would start a riot in a graveyard" -- Tipp fan 5. "I'm not giving away any secrets like that to Tipperary. If I had my way, I wouldn't even tell them the time of the throw-in" - Ger Loughnane. 6. "He's like Lazarus; but Lazarus didn't have such a sweet right boot" -Micheal O' Muircheartaigh on Colin Corkery. 7. "Whenever a team loses, there's always a row at half time but when they win, it's an inspirational speech" --John O' Mahony. 8. "There are 2 things in Ireland that would drive you to drink.GAA referees would drive you to drink, and the price of drink would drive you to drink" -- Sligo Fan after 2002 Connacht final. 9. "The wheel fell off my mobile home" -- Offaly's Eugene McGee explains why he was late for training. 10. "When my friends were besotted with Jason Donovan, my heroes were Colm O'Rourke and Barney Rock" -- Sue Ramsbottom (Laois Ladies Captain). 11. 'We're taking this match awful seriously.We're training three times a week now, and some of the boys are off the beer since Tuesday' -Offaly hurler quote in the week before a Leinster hurling final vs. Kilkenny 12. 'Ger Loughnane was fair, he treated us all the same during training-like dogs' - anonymous Clare hurler 13. 'Any chance of an autograph? Its for the wife....she really hates you' -Tipp fan to Ger Loughnane 14. 'You can't win derbies with donkeys' - Babs Keating before Tipp played Cork in 1990 15. 'Sheep in a heap' - Babs Keating description of Offaly in 1998. 16. 'Babs Keating 'resigned' as coach because of illness and fatigue. The players were sick and tired of him' - Offaly fan in 1998 17. 'And as for you. You're not even good enough to play for this shower of useless no-hopers' - Former Clare mentor to one of his subs after a heavy defeat 18. 'Babs Keating was arrested in Nenagh for shaking a cigarette machine, but the gardai let him off when he said he only wanted to borrow twenty players' - Waterford fan after 2002 Munster final 19. 'They have a forward line that couldn't punch holes in a paper bag' - Pat Spillane on the Cavan football team 20. 'Meath players like to get their retaliation in first' -Cork fan1988 21. 'Meath make football a colourful game-you get all black and blue' - another Cork fan 1988 22. 'Colin Corkery is deceptive.He is slower than he looks' - Kerry fan 23. 'Life isn't all beer and football...some of us haven't touched a football in months' - Kerry player during league campaign 1980s

Niamh (Derry) - Posts: 2397 - 06/05/2008 13:45:30    15748

Roscommon fan after the controversial 1980 All-Ireland final: Hi ref, how's your dog? Ref: What do you mean? I don't have a dog. Fan: That's strange. You're the first blind man I've ever met that doesn't have a guide dog! He'll regret this to his dying day, if he lives that long. Dublin fan after Charlie Redmond missed a penalty in the 1994 All-Ireland final. Now listen lads, I'm not happy with our tackling. We're hurting them but they keep getting up. John B.Keane ventures into coaching Paddy McCormack (digging a hole along the ground with his boot): You're young Kearins, from Sligo. I presume you expect to go back to Sligo this evening. Mickey Kearins: Hopefully. McCormack: Well, if you don't pass the mark, you have a fair chance of getting back. Behind every Galway player there is another Galway player. Meath fan at the 2001 All-Ireland final. When Joe Brolly is winning, he's objectionable. When he's blowing kisses, he's highly objectionable. Cavan fan He wouldn't see a foul in a henhouse. Frustrated Sligo fan's judgement of the ref after the 2002 Connacht final. There are two things in Ireland that would drive you to drink. GAA referees would drive you to drink and the price of drink would drive you to drink. Another Sligo fan at the same match. You get more contact in an old-time waltz at the old-folks' home than in a National League final. Pat Spillane The first half was even, the second half was even worse. Pat Spillane reflects on an Ulster Championship clash. Meath players like to get their retaliation in first. Cork fan in 1988. Meath make football a colourful game - you get all black and blue. Another Cork fan. We're taking you off but we're not bothering to put on a sub. Just having you off will improve our situation. Manager to a club player in Derry. I warned the boys they couldn't go through the league unbeaten, and, unfortunately, they appear to have listened to me! Tyrone's Art McRory after losing a league match. (Reporter interviews Kevin Moran on TV after the 1978 All-Ireland final) Reporter: How's the leg Kevin? Kevin Moran: It's fuc..... it's very sore. He's as useless as a back pocket in a vest. Kerry fan on Colin Corkery. Colin Corkery is deceptive. He's slower than he looks. Kerry fan Q: What's the difference between Paddy Cullen and a turnstile? A: A turnstile only lets in one at a time. Kerry fan after Cullen conceded five goals in the 1978 All-Ireland final. The rules of Meath football are basically simple: if it moves, kick it; if it doesn't move, kick it until it does. Tyrone fan after a controversial All-Ireland semi-final. A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he's just as good as everybody else. John B. Keane Life isn't all beer and football: some of us haven't touched a football in months. A Kerry player during the league in the early 1980's

Niamh (Derry) - Posts: 2397 - 06/05/2008 13:47:26    15750