What do gay horses eat???? Haaaaaaaay

halfbackward (UK) - Posts: 77 - 17/08/2012 15:08:06    1247015

one of the korean badminton players who was disqualified for non-sportmanship has been named as:CHEE TING K*NT

dubbydave. (Dublin) - Posts: 3927 - 17/08/2012 15:36:48    1247028

BORN WHEN????
i was chatting to a girl in the pub the other night and telling her my uncanny ability i had i could tell her the day she was born or any girl was born by holding there breasts in my hand.she thought i was having her on then curious began to set in and soon got the better of her and with that replied go on then give it a try??? so i stood there both breats in me hands for a minute or so giving them some squeeze until she could no longer resist and say well go on then what day was i born?? which i replied YESTERDAY....

dubbydave. (Dublin) - Posts: 3927 - 17/08/2012 15:44:31    1247034

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

0853658 (Laois) - Posts: 25 - 22/08/2012 21:21:49    1250244

There were 3 sisters Ann Jan & Fanny, Ann & Jan went on a double date their dates said "Wow u 2 have big feet," Ann said u should see our Fanny's their massive!!

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 30/08/2012 20:28:32    1255893

The Anti-Jokes:

Why did the blonde tatoo her address to her forehead? She's a schizophrenic.

How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

Lockjaw (Donegal) - Posts: 10102 - 31/08/2012 12:59:25    1256124

What's the difference between the Dubs and Abba?

The Dubs were a one hit wonder!!!!!!

dingle2 (Kerry) - Posts: 278 - 02/09/2012 19:23:09    1257498

How would you recognise a Liverpool player in a nightclub? He is the one who cant score?

Brinsley Swartz (Mayo) - Posts: 2225 - 02/09/2012 19:36:30    1257514

What's the Difference between a Triangle and Liverpool F.C. ? a Triangle has 3 points where as Liverpool only has 2 .

DynamoDooher (Tyrone) - Posts: 423 - 28/09/2012 17:43:48    1274445

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?'"

"Yes, I do," she said.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 18/10/2012 21:30:53    1285305

I thought I'd get a head start on my Halloween shopping last night. So on my way home from work I stopped into a costume store. I said to the lady behind the counter" do you have any Dracula costumes left?" She said she would check for me. After a few minutes she came back with a Tipperary jersey with number 13 on it. I said " excuse me miss but I think u misunderstood me, I said I wanted to look like a count"

richiescats (USA) - Posts: 420 - 19/10/2012 15:56:40    1285570

In a Cavan classroom, the teacher asks a student, "If you have 5 euro and I ask you to borrow 2, how many euros do you have left?"
"5."

square_ball_69 (Westmeath) - Posts: 826 - 19/11/2012 15:15:34    1299784

How doe's Good King Wenceslas like his Pizza? Deep pan,Crisp and even...........

. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

What is Santa's favorite American state?

Idaho-ho-ho!

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 20/12/2012 16:53:21    1312550

Just ordered a burger from my local
chippie. Lady behind the counter said
"What do you want on it?" I said "A
fiver each way!"

New burger launch from European value supermarket its called "My Lidl pony burgers"

Just had one of those alcoholic burgers........it had Red Rum in it!

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 17/01/2013 09:54:36    1319515

fortyfive
County: Tyrone
Posts: 4943

My Favourite so far: Checked the best before date on my Burgers in the Freezer…….. and they off!!!!!!

Horsebox77 (Kerry) - Posts: 5491 - 17/01/2013 11:40:01    1319570

A cow walks into a bar. Barman says 'why the long face?'

Cow says 'Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!

Jackos_Wacko (Kerry) - Posts: 417 - 17/01/2013 12:49:30    1319613

Was at a wedding yesterday
Waitress came round to take my order - Asked
Would you like Beef or Salmon ?
Yes please I replied
She served me a burger

ruanua (Donegal) - Posts: 4966 - 17/01/2013 14:39:14    1319697

An HMV gift card isn't just for Christmas.

It's for life.

Scrounger (Meath) - Posts: 12 - 17/01/2013 14:47:54    1319707

What did the homeless man get for Christmas ?

Nothing.

Scrounger (Meath) - Posts: 12 - 17/01/2013 14:54:37    1319713

I checked my Tesco Digestives for any traces of horsemeat, but i could only Seabiscuit

Scrounger (Meath) - Posts: 12 - 17/01/2013 14:58:56    1319718