My car was broken into yesterday. All but one of my CDs were stolen...... Think its time for Plan B

Derry_ledd (Derry) - Posts: 2093 - 10/07/2012 16:40:46    1213974

A word of caution for Mayo before sunday

A young boy ran away from in Athlone, he was stopped by Gardai as he entered Roscommon, when asked by the Gardai what was wrong he said he was running away from home because everyone was beating him, he said, his father was beating him, his mother was beating him and his teacher was beating him. The Garda asked him where he was going and he replied that he was going to Mayo, when asked by the Garda why he would want to go to Mayo his reply was, "Mayo dont beat anyone" be warned.

culmore (None) - Posts: 1398 - 10/07/2012 19:48:21    1214155

Joe Canning has been arrested for animal cruelty. He slaughtered 15 Cats in in Croke Park last Sunday!

mayoboy1 (Mayo) - Posts: 1654 - 11/07/2012 16:25:28    1214924

unfortunately the cats are just wounded and dangerous.

onlyhurling (Galway) - Posts: 800 - 11/07/2012 17:06:57    1214987

royaldunne
County: Meath
Posts: 1842

1211254
Kiladre are top 4 team.
Joke of the year

What did the policeman say when he caught Royaldunne (aka bobjeffa/joeblogs etc) destroying a forum thread ?

Hello !....hello....hello

St.Conleth (Kildare) - Posts: 1703 - 13/07/2012 13:29:35    1216515

"Waiter!, this coffee tastes like mud"
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground"

po3nmotion (Leitrim) - Posts: 222 - 06/08/2012 14:28:18    1239739

My wife told me she was to leave me due to my infatuation with flowers.

I said " I dont know where this stems from Petal"

Derry_ledd (Derry) - Posts: 2093 - 06/08/2012 14:31:41    1239747

Joe Brolly, ' The Gooch is a choker '.

Thats my joke....

Ros2013 (Roscommon) - Posts: 522 - 06/08/2012 15:01:30    1239774

Made a switch that saved me money on my insurance today, switched into reverse and hit the car behind, leaving the scene immediately.

po3nmotion (Leitrim) - Posts: 222 - 06/08/2012 20:33:21    1240260

The Property Market crashed because Katie Taylor punched it!

Derry_ledd (Derry) - Posts: 2093 - 08/08/2012 16:22:56    1241789

Medals for riding and fighting so far. Wait til the drinking competition starts and just watch us go!!!

Lockjaw (Donegal) - Posts: 9556 - 08/08/2012 16:34:20    1241803

Mo Farrah was presented with a golden sash for winning gold in the 10,000 metre race. The sash is now up for sale to raise money for charity. you can bid for it on the following link www.the-sash-mo-farrah-wore

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 14/08/2012 14:26:30    1245217

fortyfive
County: Tyrone
Posts: 4763

1245217
Mo Farrah was presented with a golden sash for winning gold in the 10,000 metre race. The sash is now up for sale to raise money for charity. you can bid for it on the following link www.the-sash-mo-farrah-wore

Excellent stuff

Superglue (Kerry) - Posts: 1283 - 14/08/2012 15:19:11    1245277

Just been reading the Susan Boyle autobiography "Fifty shaves a day"

bigtomsbreeks (Down) - Posts: 130 - 16/08/2012 12:33:03    1246278

im sure most of yous will have friends like these two,

two guys sitting in a bar one day, and 1 says to the other, " i bet you i am a better liar than you". the other guy says " no way i tell the best lies in this place". ok he says tell me you best lie and i bet i will beat it, so he pauses and then says "right! i once swam UP the niagra falls" and his friend replies " i know sure i watched you do it"

pig.ignorant (Derry) - Posts: 655 - 16/08/2012 13:43:59    1246325

Whats the difference between Hannibal Lecter and a teacher.

A teacher will tell you off,but Hannibal Lecter will eat the face off you.

Brinsley Swartz (Mayo) - Posts: 2225 - 16/08/2012 17:24:15    1246575

Paddy was working on a building site in London and he asked the lads where is the toilet as he was dying for a sh*t! They told him there is a hole over there behind the shed so Paddy headed over to do his business. He then took off his jacket and left it at the side of the hole and bent over and started to do his business. Then when he stood up he accidently knocked his jacket into the hole. He then went looking for a stick to fetch out the jacket but in the meantime the lads noticed Paddy was gone awhile so one of them went over to the hole only to see Paddy trying to fish out the jacket. Then the lad that went over asked Paddy "Why do you want the jacket now sure it's disgusting and all covered in sh*t" to which Paddy replied " I know but my sandwiches are in the pocket!!"

Da_Stephenite (Mayo) - Posts: 55 - 17/08/2012 12:50:57    1246915

What do you call a person with no nose and no body................................Nobody Nose

dizzydub (Dublin) - Posts: 339 - 17/08/2012 14:13:53    1246974

Somebody rang my wife and said, 'I saw your husband on the beach with a blonde on his arm.' She said, 'What do you expect at his age - a bucket and spade?'

ballybannongael (Down) - Posts: 547 - 17/08/2012 14:54:25    1247004

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this?"

Joxer (Dublin) - Posts: 4734 - 17/08/2012 15:02:12    1247011