man and wife take trip to jerusalum,after a few days there the wife suddenly dies and the man is confronted by one of the locals only to say if you want the wife buried here it will cost £50 or if you want her sent back home it will cost E5000 the man replies ill take her back home shocked the local man says but it will cost you E5000 then suddenly raising his voice the man says you heard of jesus dying here and coming back 3 days later well she's coming home she's f*****g staying dead...

dubbydave. (Dublin) - Posts: 3927 - 26/01/2012 19:29:31    1101024

dubbydave. your the Millennium man .

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 26/01/2012 19:35:35    1101027

the captain of the italian cruise ship Costa Concordia walks into a bar and orders double jd bar man replies "is that on the rocks"

dubbydave. (Dublin) - Posts: 3927 - 26/01/2012 21:30:59    1101120

I've just heard that Rolf Harris is dyslexic. Rofl

doublehop (Kildare) - Posts: 4172 - 27/01/2012 14:07:02    1101325

She said: "All men are w******"

He said: "Edward Scissorshands wasn't"

Check and mate!

Lockjaw (Donegal) - Posts: 9556 - 27/01/2012 14:57:54    1101357

What does DNA stsand for?
National dyslexic association.

TheRoad (Galway) - Posts: 1339 - 27/01/2012 18:08:53    1101496

What did the bus driver say to the lad with no legs?


How ya gettin on'?

biffo1 (Cavan) - Posts: 148 - 27/01/2012 19:06:52    1101526

Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?
To them, "Love" means nothing.


Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the s*** out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.
One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of tennis shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't outrun the bear!"

To this the hunter said, "I know, all I have to do is outrun you!"

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 27/01/2012 19:25:24    1101535

the mrs and i went to a marriage councelling today,the therapist asked what is the problem is,wife said i feel neglected lonely and feel unloved,therapsit replies stand he unbuttoned her blouse caressed her breasts while kissing her passionately this is what she needs 3 times a week could you do this sir,the man replies thats ok ill drop here every monday and wednesday but i fish on a friday.

dubbydave. (Dublin) - Posts: 3927 - 27/01/2012 19:38:10    1101545

what do you call bra's in the stonage? ... an over the shoulder boulder holder ..

bigdelicious123 (Donegal) - Posts: 4 - 27/01/2012 20:36:15    1101577

god that restaurant down the road charge an arm and a leg ... i only went their twice... the 3rd time i was wheeled in

bigdelicious123 (Donegal) - Posts: 4 - 27/01/2012 20:37:20    1101578

How do you know a person has an i phone? Because they tell you!

cacsmckilly (Tyrone) - Posts: 1294 - 10/02/2012 15:08:45    1109128

a sons mother say's to his wife just after giving birth to there new son "forgive me for been rude but your baby doesnt look anything like my son" with that the women lifts up her skirt and say's "forgive me for been rude but this is a f***y not a f*****g photo copier" ;-)

dubbydave. (Dublin) - Posts: 3927 - 10/02/2012 21:58:11    1109402

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 14/02/2012 14:44:32    1111475

A very prestigious cardiologist died and was given a very
elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life...
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the
service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following
the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.The heart
then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.


At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When
all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking
of my own funeral... I'm a gynaecologist.

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 14/02/2012 16:13:11    1111559

Cold today in Glasgow: -10 at Ibrox

KevHill (Antrim) - Posts: 271 - 14/02/2012 17:09:13    1111613

The Sun Newspaper today admitted hacking into Ally McCoists phone and topping it up with a Tenner!.

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 15/02/2012 16:41:24    1112378

The taxman has taken over Ibrox & have decided they're gonna rename the stadium the Inland Revenue Arena.....or IRA for short....Although it's Provisional at the moment. :-)

galwayfan (None) - Posts: 764 - 16/02/2012 21:22:51    1113274

Galwayfan ha ha ha. I like it

seamusmac (Meath) - Posts: 379 - 16/02/2012 21:31:00    1113280

Liverpool fans were claiming that Patrice Evra celebrated like he'd won the Premiership last Saturday.

Sure what would they know about celebrating winning the Premiership

mayoboy1 (Mayo) - Posts: 1654 - 17/02/2012 11:30:58    1113449