16/09/2011 14:05:24
fortyfive
County: Tyrone
Posts: 3515

he got his wife an iRon, complete with apps such as iWash, iCook and iClean, unfortunately this malfunctioned and the iNag was activated and now the iShag has been disabled!
_________

There is a crowd advertising on the radio - wo will replace a cracked face for a new one for 59.99 -

ruanua (Donegal) - Posts: 4966 - 28/09/2011 18:16:36    1043557

man walking his dog through a graveyard when he meets a man crouched down behind a gravestone

"Morning" he says

man replies "No, just taking a ****"

sam09 (Tyrone) - Posts: 339 - 30/09/2011 11:53:41    1044388

heres a great friday afternoon joke- meath football!!!

superdub (Dublin) - Posts: 392 - 30/09/2011 20:43:00    1044772

LOL my Dublin winning sam 2011 "JOKE" backfired but the real joke is how the GAA bend over backwards for Dublin with them delaying the club championship for them.

BettystownRoyal (Meath) - Posts: 3353 - 30/09/2011 20:56:31    1044782

Did you hear about the Cavan man who bought the paper shop.

It blew away.

ruthless (Monaghan) - Posts: 594 - 01/10/2011 10:12:21    1044836

Dublin haven't won the all ireland in 16 years ..




Oh no wait..

waynoI (Dublin) - Posts: 13654 - 01/10/2011 10:46:49    1044843

Was at Cavan's last challenge game there recently, match was delayed by 25 minutes, everytime the ref flipped the coin the 15 Cavan players would dive for it

Horsebox77 (Kerry) - Posts: 5491 - 01/10/2011 11:40:18    1044857

What have Dublin and Billy Ray Cyrus in common . Both are one hit wonders

wfkerry (USA) - Posts: 933 - 07/10/2011 16:27:39    1048341

i,ve just bougt a Carlos Tevez DVD and no matter what i do it wont play

rahillyman (Tyrone) - Posts: 314 - 08/10/2011 10:10:13    1048587

You know you'r getting old when your Walking Frame comes complete with an airbag and your told that your Blood type has been discontinued ........

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 19/10/2011 12:40:42    1054627

A man comes home with a boquet of flowers for his wife.
Cynically,she looks at him and says "I suppose youll want me to spread my legs now"
He replies "dont bother,ill put them in a vase"

TheRoad (Galway) - Posts: 1339 - 19/10/2011 13:42:08    1054687

paddy calls easy jet 2 book a flight the operator ask how manys flyin with u ? paddy replies " i dont no. its your feckin plane " !

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 20/10/2011 10:41:52    1055180

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in offaly and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a offaly fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are offaly fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a offaly fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a offaly fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a westmeath fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pray tell, are you a westmeath fan?"

"Because my Mum and Dad are from westmeath, and my mum is a westmeath fan and my dad is a westmeath fan, so I'm a westmeath fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a westmeath fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?" "Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a MEATH FAN

duelplayers (Wexford) - Posts: 18 - 20/10/2011 11:07:42    1055207

Thought today was Thursday ? Must be losing it.

danpaddyandy (Kildare) - Posts: 260 - 20/10/2011 18:27:21    1055619

Im in hospital,turns out the dyson ball cleaner isn't what i taught it was!!

hardcore (Monaghan) - Posts: 1366 - 21/10/2011 19:56:50    1056438

Three elderly sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, shared a house together. One evening, the 96 year old sister went upstairs to take a bath. As she put her foot into the tub, she paused. Then she yelled down to the other two sisters and asked, "Was I getting in the tub or out?"

"You dern fool," said the 94 year old. "I'll come up and see." When she got half way up the stairs she paused. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old sister was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea and thought, "I hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She shook her head and called out, "I'll be up to help you both as soon as I see who's at the door."

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 27/10/2011 15:17:48    1059516

Do you know the difference between presidential candidates Dana and Martin McGuinness? Well Dana has know problem taking about her greatest hits. Boom!Boom!

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 28/10/2011 15:22:41    1060006

With Halloween coming up I went to a fancy dress shop to buy a Dracula costume. The girl offered me a Dublin jersey. I said to her "Sorry love, I think you misheard, I said I want to look like a count!"

doublehop (Kildare) - Posts: 4172 - 28/10/2011 17:30:18    1060057

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes
in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:


"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 05/11/2011 16:49:20    1063644

Paddy is in a disco, he ask's girl "How about a shag" She replies "i'm on my menstrual cycle". "Great" says paddy "i'm on my scooter, i'll follow u home!

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 10/11/2011 19:50:08    1066960