My 37 year old cousin died by suicide today. I'm so confused about how I feel I dunno what to do. I'm lying on my bed trying to make sense of it all and I can't. It's just so awful.

Jackeen (Dublin) - Posts: 4097 - 18/03/2010 20:05:17    591938

Firstly Jackeen let me say that I am sorry for your loss. At times like this the world does not make sense so it is impossible for you to understand, take in and deal consciously with what has happened. What I would say to you is not to focus or be worried about how he died, just mourn his loss and his passing. Talk to family members, come together and just chat about the person he was, his good points, the memories. I hope this helps.

The_16th_Man (Clare) - Posts: 251 - 18/03/2010 20:44:55    591983

Its a hard thing in life to get over. My cousin hung himself because he lost his job and his girlfriend left him, so he just gave up on life (this was last week) so i know how u feel.

jambread (Cork) - Posts: 307 - 18/03/2010 20:45:53    591986

Jackeen, i feel for you. I have known a lot of young people who have committed suicide. There is a big increase in the numbers committing suicide in the last year in my opinion. There is very little anyone can do unless there is a disclosure in the days leading up to the day of the intended suicide. Usually there is not and when they have their minds made up to do it they always appear happy as they have an end to their pain in sight. I have done several suicide prevention courses but in reality there is little can be done unless their is prior knowledge. The recession, lack of money and work, impending emigration etc are leading to the rise in numbers. I will keep your relation in my thoughts and pray for you and yours that it may help you get peace !!

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 18/03/2010 20:46:14    591987

It's something that is seen as a taboo area in irish society... depression etc. People see it as looking for attention or just feeling a bit off. Other countries are very quick to combat this look at the u.s the have personal time you can take from work mental health days. One of the reasons i think ireland has the one of the highest Suicide rates especially amoung young males, their seen as less manly if they look for help or try to talk about problems. I know where your comming from seen the effects of what Suicide can do to people, one of my extended family committed suicide a few years ago.
Here a charity trying to make a difference do a lot of good work.
http://www.pieta.ie/

Hag_and_Cheese (Tipperary) - Posts: 6103 - 18/03/2010 20:49:46    591992

also forgot to pass on my sympathies.

re: Slasher
Definately agree with you there but more needs to be done with the irish mentality firstly to depression and also the taboo of counselling.

Hag_and_Cheese (Tipperary) - Posts: 6103 - 18/03/2010 20:54:51    591999

Ye it's very distressing. I have no experience with suicide until now. It's weird cos with a natural or illness related death there are emotions you are told you will have. But with this I have mixed emotions about what he did. I swear he seemed to have it all. He just got married, had his own business and he was healthy. You just never know what goes on behind peoples smiles. But that's how I will remember him. His smile. R.I.P. Joe

Jackeen (Dublin) - Posts: 4097 - 18/03/2010 20:58:37    592006

Jackeen sorry for your loss...When someone makes their mind up to leave like that there is nothing you can do....They just never realise the crash site they leave behind..

tomaoo7 (Dublin) - Posts: 5896 - 18/03/2010 20:59:01    592008

Thanks guys. It's going to be a long week. Tom that's what is so frightening about suicide. Like you said if they decide they've had enough you can't do anything about it.

Jackeen (Dublin) - Posts: 4097 - 18/03/2010 21:05:11    592015

Jackeen:

Most of the time it's just a front, seen the same my relation was always the life and soul of the party, you just never know what deep down people are feeling. The best way to deal with this is talk to your family and close friends. Even talking to someone you don't know who not involved can be a great help, I'm not saying strangers here but there are charatable organisations and other supporter networks there.

My first reaction was anger and how could anyone do that people close to them, but really you can't help but feel sympathy for them in that they felt they couldn't talk to anyone. Think mental health is not really treated as a medical condition.

Hag_and_Cheese (Tipperary) - Posts: 6103 - 18/03/2010 21:08:16    592020

Jackeen sorry for your loss. I know how ya feel I experienced it a year and a half ago with my cousin he was just after turning 21 a couple of weeks before it. It is one of the hardest things to get over if you ever really can get over. The_16th_Man is right the best thing to do is share memories with family and friends. Talk to someone about how your feeling it was one of the main things that helped me.

Blue and Black (Monaghan) - Posts: 187 - 18/03/2010 21:15:15    592029

It is a very upsetting issue, just on Monday a 15 year olds body was recovered from the river Foyle he was missing for 5 weeks, Must really effect his family and friends.

Orlaith (Derry) - Posts: 4282 - 18/03/2010 21:18:42    592038

Hag & Cheese,

Yes you are right !! In America nearly everyone goes to a shrink but here if you are seen to be talking to a Counsellor, Pscyhiatrist or Psychologist you would be laughed at or told you were mad !! Everybody needs someone to talk to outside of family !!

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 18/03/2010 21:20:50    592043

Hag and cheese you're right. I just got off the phone with an aunt and she was adament we shouldn't tell anybody how he died! Only close family need to know she said. I was only watching something this week that said that suicide was only decriminalized a while ago and that's whythe death certain said "commited suicide". Now it says "death by suicide". It scares me thinking my children might one day feel they have no option but to take their own lives.

Jackeen (Dublin) - Posts: 4097 - 18/03/2010 21:26:37    592055

Jackeen:

It's up to families the way they want to deal with it and some can feel ashamed that it's happened within their family circle, but others when seeing whats happened to that sort of a person can give them the confidence to try and seek help too.

My thoughts are with ye in such a hard time but definately talk about it would family first and over time it will become easier to deal with it. I know its a cliche but time is a great healer.

Hag_and_Cheese (Tipperary) - Posts: 6103 - 18/03/2010 21:37:28    592076

Jackeen aww give us a hug, It's ok don't worry. Aww that's lousy

Orlaith (Derry) - Posts: 4282 - 18/03/2010 21:40:52    592081

Sorry for your loss Jackeen. Suicide is very tragic. I am very fortunate cos I've never been directly affected by it in terms of friends and family. I do live in an area that has a very high suicide rate among my age group so I know people who have been affected. It must be really tough, I have no idea how tough. There are people out there who can offer the proper support and help. Again I'm sorry for your loss.

roundball (Tipperary) - Posts: 2514 - 18/03/2010 21:45:08    592089

Ah thanks orlaith hon. I can't even let himself hug me at the mo. It's weird.

Jackeen (Dublin) - Posts: 4097 - 18/03/2010 21:48:28    592093

I am very sorry for your loss .

On suicide it is a very hard thing to take in when someone does take there life . Around 04 i was very sick for bout a year and got depressed with it and attempted this and was very lucky am alive today and not ashamed to say it to anyone . I never once planned to do it but just a split moment i done it and it took few months in a clinic to get me back to my selve and also getting treatment for my other illness as well.


Because depressing is a illness and lots of people young and old have it and to this day am still on tablets even though i feel am grand i still take it . Also there is not enough done to help people to stop these things happening . My family is in bits at the time and never noticed me depressed but some poeple just hide it but i urge anyone to talk bout it as it helps .


Once again sorry bout your loss may your cousin rest in peace.

Dellboypolecat (Tyrone) - Posts: 15069 - 19/03/2010 18:06:54    592876

Sorry for your loss Jackeen. Suicide has been viewed as an almost embarrassing issue in Ireland in the past, i would totally disagree with this, we all feel down at times but for people to be driven to the ultimate destructive activity there must be a serious problem. The adviced id give to people, if you think someone is feeling down talk to them and try to cheer them up if at all possible cause if you dont you could regret it...

Sorry again. Hope your cousin rests in peace and your family find some solice

miketyson (Limerick) - Posts: 2748 - 19/03/2010 20:19:39    593036