Hutchinson opens up on depression battle

April 08, 2014

Waterford star Wayne Hutchinson in action for WIT. INPHO
Waterford dual star Wayne Hutchinson has spoken candidly about his battle with depression.

Writing in his own, at times harrowing, personal blog - waynehutchinson09.wordpress.com - the 29-year-old goes into great detail about how the condition has been a constant 'companion' for the past eleven years of his life.

In the extract below, he details how depression ruined what should have been the greatest day in his hurling career:

"Hurling was my passion as a kid. Growing up, the brothers and I would hurl out on the green for hours on end until Dad would come home and ferry us off to matches on those long summer evenings, the nights you wish would never end.

"But now, in January 2013, that passion was gone. I was still playing matches with the club and the college, but my interest and drive was completely gone. I was lost. I just didn't want to be on a pitch.

"I've often played games of hurling and football and just wished I was somewhere else when that whistle blew, and when opponent and ball hurtled towards me.

"One particular moment stands out for me. As a young fella, I'd dreamed of wearing the white and blue jersey of Waterford in the great arenas like Thurles, Pairc Uí Chaoimh and Croke Park. It was my biggest goal, at least in terms of my sporting life.

"I remember the week I made my Senior Championship debut against Limerick (it was June 12th 2011, we won by a point, 3-15 to 3-14), I was hurling well for Ballygunner in the lead-up to the game and training was going really well. But I should never have played that match.

"Why? In the build-up to the game, I had a really tough time with my depression. Mentally, I was drained, and the last thing any hurler needs to be before a Championship match, let alone your debut at that level, is to feel that way.

"I remember travelling to Semple Stadium that morning and all I could think about was not wanting to be in Thurles. I wanted to be anywhere other than on that very sod I'd dreamed about wearing the Déise jersey on as a kid.

"The team and the management deserved better from me, but I couldn't tell them. I didn't have the balls.

"I wanted my first day's Championship hurling with Waterford to be my last, and that ripped the heart out of me. The dream I'd held for years and worked so hard to achieve had been taken away from me because of mental illness."

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